Stop letting perfectionism and superficiality destroy our generation’s mental health

I’m homesick for a place that I’m not even sure exists. One where hearts are full, conversations are intellectual, funny & deep and where superficiality doesn’t exist. I can just picture it now; it’s a place that promotes natural beauty, where everyone is emotionally and comedically intelligent, full of days & nights that aren’t centred so heavily on social media and judging others for how they look. It saddens me that I have such a hole in my heart, that can only be filled by a place that doesn’t exist. This is a feeling I’ve had for a long time now and it’s only growing stronger as I age and the sad thing is, it’s extremely common.

The feeling hits me particularly hard on nights out. Starting from getting ready with a bunch of people and hearing conversations such as ‘oh god, that pictures horrible, do I look that bad?’ to ‘I need some good snaps tonight, so I best look on point’. I sit back and question why we’re all so concerned about how we look to the rest of the world. If we’re putting a bit of makeup on, why is it not for ourselves? And why do we need to document every minute of it? Yes, lets document happy, loving and funny moments that can be reflected on in the future, but why are we documenting every second of what we do, and making sure we look perfect in each picture?

Alas, I join in. I get in those pictures and down those pre drinks, because this is the norm of our society and surely it’s better than sitting alone at home, just because I don’t enjoy elements of our generation?

Although this feeling hits me on many occasions throughout my life, I’d say the loneliest times for me are when I’m sat in nightclubs. As I look around the room, I see women in shoes and dresses that I can tell they’re uncomfortable in, smiling for pictures that they must check before appearing on social media, just in case their nose looks too big or their hair is out of place. Then turning my head to the men, most of which are putting on a facade and appearing overly confident, because the thought of sharing the sensitive person beneath their act in such a superficial world is too much to handle. I sit back and watch everyone dancing to songs with meaningless lyrics whilst picking out which good looking person they want to approach and I can feel heaviness in my heart. I question if everyone else feels the same and are just better at acting than I am, or if I’m just a little bit uptight and strange. On many occasions, I’ve left nights out and gone home because I feel ‘physically ill’ when in reality, I’m leaving because I feel lonelier than I would at home and explaining to people that you feel physically ill seems much easier.

After many years of trying to fit in, I’ve started to come to a realisation that if it’s something that saddens me so deeply, why should I be feeding into the system? So many of us feel the same, yet so many of us join in to be ‘normal’.

I wanted to share these feelings because I know just how common they are. We’ve all had those moments where we’re drowning in our own thoughts and we look around the room to see that everyone else seems to be swimming.

I’m tired of hearing conversations, a lot of which happen on nights out, such as ‘she’d be really pretty if she was thinner’ or ‘he’s good looking but he’s too short’ or ‘that top isn’t doing them any favours’. We’ve evolved so much as human-beings, so where’s our emotional intelligence? Why are we still judging people on superficiality?

My goal is to start to fight against this way of living. To go out in however much makeup I want and to wear whatever outfit I want/feel comfortable in, not because it looks good in pictures. To start bringing hilarious dance moves and conversation to social activities, rather than worry about how I look. I hope to see a day where put down our phones now and again, where we stop worrying so much about image and start caring more about each others feelings, lives and stories. We’re all so interesting in our own way, yet many of us decide within a couple of seconds whether we’ll give people the time of day, most of which judgements are based on looks.

If you feel similar to the way I do, then next time you’re out (whether it’s in a nightclub, a gig, your workplace, wherever.) Please, lets think, am I acting like this because I want to, or because I feel I have to? Take your head out of your phone for a moment, look around the room and see if there’s anyone sitting alone, or maybe someone who looks like they might have a story to tell. We’re all fighting battles of some sort, so lets be kind, considerate & approachable and most importantly; lets stop worrying so much about the way we all look.