I’m choosing to put my mental well-being over body image and here’s why

Starting from such a young age, I’ve always struggled with body image. In primary school, I questioned why I had curves so young when majority of the girls in my class didn’t. I remember returning home on the day that I received my first ‘fat’ insult and I quizzed my mum “am I fat? if so, why does it matter? why is it an insult?” I thought we were all just children who teased each other about things like who is better at chess, or who is better at drawing. I couldn’t understand why all of a sudden the competition and insults came from a place of such superficiality. I wasn’t, and have never been, an unhealthy size or unfit. So, why was I being called fat?

I was petrified of high school because I thought “if this is primary school insults, what will high school be like?” The summer between primary and high school, I decided to cut back on eating. Not excessively, but enough to lose some weight ready for the wrath of high school girls. Little did I know, that high school was a different ball game. It was all of a sudden ‘cool’ to be curvy. This was a place where young women aged 12-13 tried to look older than they are, so then the ‘you’re too thin’ comments kicked in. Again, I questioned, “am I too thin now? if so, why does that matter? Why is being thin an insult? Primary school taught me that it was desirable, magazines taught me that it was desirable” the whole thing baffled me.

For years and years, I fell in and out of losing and gaining weight, constantly ridiculing myself and staring into a mirror wondering what needs changing. I have now decided that my mental health means more to me than how I look to the world. As long as I am healthy, happy and fit, who cares if I’m not a size 8-10 with abs? Who cares that I have wobbly legs, rolls in my tummy when I sit down or a bum that I struggle to pull jeans over? This is also for the people who are feeling as though they need to gain weight and fit into the craze of the curves and abs. You are beautiful the way you are, embrace your fast metabolism, as long as you are healthy that’s all that matters. So, let’s say fuck you to the people who make us feel like we need to lose weight, gain weight, gain curves, gain abs or gain muscles. Let’s focus on health, and if the above comes with health than great, if not, who cares?

If you too are experiencing negative thoughts about your weight, here’s five things that I’m currently doing to start getting rid of these thoughts:

1. Stop calorie counting

Whether you’re using a calorie counter app or making a mental note of your calorie count each day, this behaviour can easily become obsessive. Our bodies were designed to tell us when we are hungry. By calorie counting, a strawberry turns from a delicious fruit to ‘only 60 calories’. By picking a meal at a restaurant because it has a symbol depicting less then 500 calories, you’re controlling what you eat over what you enjoy. When it is becoming an obsessive game and you can’t help but comment on your friend’s food because you have calorie counting turrets, this ritual needs to stop. When food becomes about taste, nourishment, and fuel, you will be able taste the food in all its glory and even leave food on your plate because you are satisfied instead of inhaling it all to eat what is allowed per meal.

2. Get rid of the scales

Your weight is going to fluctuate every day for the rest of your life regardless of whether you step onto that stupid box. The number it displays speaks nothing of your actual worth and is not capable of seeing the amazing qualities and gifts you have to share with the world. Go by how you feel in your skin and measure on happiness, not by the number on the scales.

3. Find joy in activities besides food or exercise 

Plan one activity a week that doesn’t involve food or exercise that you know you will find enjoyment in. It’s important to stay fit and enjoy your food, but having something that isn’t focused on either will loosen the grip on any obsessions you have and remind you of the many things in life that will make you happy. Don’t fill the time with other “work” or something you think you should do to be productive. Do something fun – watch your favourite TV show, book a massage/beauty treatment, watch a comedian, start colouring, reading or writing.

4. Surround yourself with people who make you forget about your looks

It’s important to have a support system who understand your insecurities and help you to forget them. There is nothing worse than getting ready for a night out with constant reminders from your friends when they ask you the question “do I look fat in this?” instantly, your night has been based on superficiality, and that voice inside your head saying “do I look okay?” will only keep growing over the course of the night. Spend your time with people who are more bothered about the fun night ahead than how they look. More bothered about having a laugh than looking perfect. Get some trainers on and go out dressed-down now and again and remind yourself that you do not need to base your night on how you look.

5. And most importantly, remember that YOU ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH. 

Stop comparing yourself to others. Everyone is different and everyone is beautiful in their own way. Remind yourself that you are more than enough just the way you are.